Devotional Time with God

The famous nursery rhymes goes something like this:

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
Should I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.

It was adapted from Psalm 31:5,

Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

Jesus shouted this on the cross on his last breath.  This needs to be my words of commitment to God.  He’s the provider and He’s in control.  My spirit is nothing without Him.

I leave my worries and hurts to you, O Lord, the God of truth.  My spirit is in your hands.  Amen.

Being a parent is full of life’s trials.  I just don’t know what to expect from my child. As a toddler, she’s adventurous, curious, and brave.  She’ll try to explore everything and do anything, on her own!  When she discovered she could run, she ran – a lot!  As a 40-year old, it’s tough for me to keep up!  One thing I observed she likes to do is to let go of my hand when crossing the street, or walking on the parking lot.  Both my wife and I have this huge fear of her being struck by a car.  It was a common occurrence, we heard so many stories about accidents with children and cars.  I’m so worried, I’ll raise my voice, and sometimes spank my child, so that she’ll listen and hold on to my hand while crossing the street.

Then I realized, God is doing the same to me!  He would tell me with a “loud voice” and “spanking” to get my attention that danger is ahead.  He’ll tell me through grief and pain.  They’re the loudest signal God can ever send to me.  He wants to hold on to my hands while I cross that busy street, or unpredictable parking lot.  He knows what’s ahead because He’s bigger, and I’m not.

Once He gets a hold of me, I don’t have to worry any more!  I have to let God hold me.

He’s in control.  Always will be!

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Phillipians 1:4-6

I get a lot of grief and pain – all sorts of shapes and sizes.  My past relationships have given me grief, by thinking about what I coulda and shoulda done.  I get pain from dealing with my so-called friends and family, which I would harbor to distance myself from a lot of potentially good people in my life.

God works with grief and pain to send wake up calls to me.   I did and said a lot of stupid things.  The grief would surface to remind me that I didn’t have to think about the past.  I just need to learn from it, and not make the same mistake again.   God would let pain happen, but physically and emotionally, to help me understand consequences of my actions.

Inevitably, I’m not in control.  There were times when I took the wheel and be the driver of my life.  I crashed and burned!  Then I would blame God for letting it happen.  Then I realized, it was my fault in the first place.  I didn’t let God control me. Only bad things happen when it was just about me, myself, and I.

Only God has the power to help me change.

I must mourn for my loss of control.  I must mourn for my grief and pain – and let them go.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’ ”

“You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Genesis 3:2-5

All my life, I want to be in control.  I want to control what can happen to me.  I want to control what people say about me.  I want to control what people can do to me.  I want everyone and everything to behave the way I like.  I want to be the god of my life.

Now that I’m married with a kid, it’s them that I’m in control now.  Not 100%, mind you, but I definitely want all control.

At work, I want to make sure my projects gets down the way I want it: less unknowns, on-schedule, and keeping it simple.

If there’s something that I do every day, like driving, riding a bike, etc., I want to be very good at it so I’m in full control.

When people see me as a weak person (because of my boyish look and figure), I tend to lash out, quick to judge, give the stink-eye, and in some cases, I would curse under my breath.  My face scowls to give an impression I’m tough.  I walk upright and shoulder scrunched up to show strength. I walk with loud thumps using a pair of heavy soled shoes/boots, to tell others that I’m coming.

I’ve denied having problems with anger, being wrong more than usual, looking at dirty pictures, give up too easily, and having a short attention span.  I don’t admit to be the poster child of what’s wrong with being a man – or a human being, for that matter.

I have my fair share of fear, frustration, fatigue, and failures.

However, I am glad that God cares for me.  He takes away my bad habits, painful hurts, and bothersome hang ups.  Not just one time, but all the time!  I just tell Him, “I’m sorry.” and He will give me another chance in life.

I have to admit I’m powerless to change myself.  I’m powerless to take control, when it’s not mine in the first place.

Jesus, you’re full of grace. I sin and constantly sin.  But every time, you always forgive me.  You always let me live everything as if they’re a fresh start.  I love you for it.  You’re the God of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and all of the chances!  Thank you, Lord, for saving me.  I give you control of my life.  Amen.

As part of the 8-week study of the book Life’s Healing Choices by John Baker of Saddleback Church, I’m going to dig deeper into it and apply them to my life.

I sometimes wonder why I make bad choices.  I’ve always known I’m capable of making the wrong choice, but why do I keep making them?  The apostle Paul said it best here:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

Romans 7:15-17

It’s the sin living in me.  I’m sinful by nature.

I’ve always known that eating a lot of sweets and caffeine are bad for me.  I’ve always known pleasuring myself leads to all sorts of bad thoughts.  I’ve always known indulging myself with gadgets will lead to overspending.

I used to do all that when I was single all the way to my late 20′s.  I used to think it didn’t hurt anyone.  That was my addiction: over-indulgence.  I was a spoiled kid and I absolutely needed the stuff I want, right there and then.

But now I’m married with a daughter to support.  I can’t be reckless anymore.  I can’t abuse my body as I used to.  I have to set a good example, not only for myself, but to everyone around me.

I have to make the reality choice:  I’m not in control.  I must let God take over.  My sinful nature always get the better of me, and it’s time God has it.  Whenever the thoughts of over-indulging returns, I’ll always run to God and let Him give me the strength to overcome it.

I’ve always stated in this devotional blog that I have a problem with anger.  In this blog I counted 16 previous posts that mentioned anger.

It’s no coincidence that it’s a popular subject.  Recently, Pastor Rick Warren had 6 Purpose Driven devotionals related to anger.  Apparently it’s a common problem with people.  It’s the #1 problem with our lives.

I jumped in conclusion too fast.  I judged people too harshly.  I didn’t listen very well.

It’s something I have to seriously deal with in my life.   Obviously, I have to the exact opposite to control my anger.

I have to start thinking of other people first.   I have to slow down and give others the benefit of a doubt.  Most of all, I have to listen (not just hear) what others have to say.

The cost of anger is too high.  I must be smart about it and control my anger.

Hot tempers cause arguments, but patience brings peace.

Proverbs 15:18

People with quick tempers cause a lot of quarreling and trouble.

Proverbs 29:22

People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm.

Proverbs 14:17

Being a parent, God has given me the authority over my child.  However, that does not mean I can abuse that authority.  On the contrary, I have to raise my child to love God and the people around her.

The first step is parent control.  When a child is small, she doesn’t know any better so I have to teach her everything there’s to know about being kind, gentle, forgiving, patient, thinking, helpful, and discerning.

All of that is to equip her to have self control. She is to know what is right and wrong.  She will know enough knowledge to survive in this world.

Ultimately, she will surrender to God because He’s the final authority over her.  God needs to control her.  He sets the commands and laws of our lives.  She’ll need to keep her eyes towards heaven, for that’s where we, Christ followers, will end up.

That’s our purpose in life.

Also known as self-discipline, it’s an aspect of life that I’ve always struggled with.  By nature, I’m selfish, emotional, and reckless.  Those bad traits have driven me to look for things that offered instant gratification, such as buy useless gadgets, watch pornography, eat junk food, etc.  I used to think it was a struggle that no one could understand.  The bible proves that it’s a very common problem:

But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions).

James 1:14

This world is inherently evil.  Sin lurks in every corner.  Satan has dominion over this earth and it shows by the kinds of temptations available everywhere.

But God is good.  He gives me the strength to bear these temptations.  He gives me the wisdom to know when to say NO to evil.  He gives me grace to forgive me when I fall flat on my face after tripping from sin.  God knows how weak I am.  I’m holding on to His promise of hope that I can handle this:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

If I had to look back in my teenage and college years, I could use a lot of self-control and discipline.  I wouldn’t have wasted a lot of my life on stupid decisions.  However, God calls me and constant me reminds me to keep my eye on Jesus.  He is my prize, my end-game, my eternal salvation.

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14

How can I stay focused on God’s presence, especially when he feels distant?

The Purpose Driven Life, p. 113

I have been in that dark moment when God seemed to have been missing from my life. I’m not just talking about when I haven’t been serious with God. It also happened after I had accepted Christ into my life and pledged myself to be His servant. As a young believer (in my early 30′s), I had everything. I could afford a big wedding. I had a great job in a booming dot.com era. I had bought a house that I previously thought I couldn’t afford. I got to work from home, with flexible hours. Everything was working great, until everything started to fall apart – dot.com bust, got laid-off work, uncertain about my house payments. My future seemed bleak. For over 5 months I was looking for resolution from God, but He wasn’t giving me a clear way out.

Then I realized this had to be one of God’s answer: wait. God always has one of the three answers: Go (yes), No, and Slow (wait). I knew God would save me; He is a loving God. I knew God was in control; He is a powerful God. Even though God told me to wait, He took care of us in our time of need. He provided us with the basic necessities and a supportive group of friends and family.

As stated in my previous devotional blog entries, I finally got another job, got my green card, and eventually moved to a bigger and better things in my life. God told me to wait because He had something else planned for my life. I am not suppose to question God’s timing (although He does allow me to complain about it to Him). I must stay focus on God’s unchanging nature and His promises.

The following bible translation of sums up what I have to do with my pursuit of a “comfortable life”:

Don’t be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote,

God is there, ready to help;
I’m fearless no matter what.
Who or what can get to me?

Hebrews 13:5-6 (Message)