Dec 21 2007
Be afraid, be very afraid
From last week, the study of the nativity story revealed the 4 feelings during Christmas: afraid, uncomfortable, occupied, and awstruck. I noted that I was occupied. But this week it had turned into afraid. I just got into a big fight with my wife about my behavior in front of our neighbours. She laid out the problems on me like a carpet bomb. I wasn’t helping when the ice was spilled. I was lazy when she asked to look after the kids. I was complaining when the shrimp was too hot to handle. I wasn’t appreciating the hard work that they had put together dinner for us. I was being awfully selfish, not being sensitive to other’s needs. For that, my wife scolded me and my emotional faults forced me to fight back. We did not get along last night and we even said the dreaded “D” word again. I hate that word. She knew that if she used it, her discontent was at its peak. I should know that. Now, with my stupid stubbornness, we still haven’t resolved this yet. This is a scary situation. I am afraid if I ever be able to learn from these painful lessons. I’m afraid I don’t know how to say sorry. I’m afraid I don’t resolve this problem! Christmas is coming and all we can do is fight about our appearance to others.
I read the verse John 12:23-26,
Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
I must let go of my ego and pride. I must “lose my life” and concentrate on giving attention to God and others. I will glorify Jesus name through this hour of hardship and heartache. Even if I don’t feel like I’m glorifying God at this moment, God wants me to shine through the darkness, and lift Him up anyway.
Jesus, I thank you for the cross. I thank you for coming to this earth and save me from myself. I don’t want to be selfish anymore. Please teach me to be more sensitive. Give me the strength to get out of my lazy self and be a useful person. Show me the way, Lord. I want to glorify your name and if I have to go through fire to do it, so be it. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. Amen.
[Update] I have resolved this issue with Yantie the next day. She talked about it with my neighbour and poured her hearts outs out. Sometimes, talking about it is the best therapy. She also prayed that God would give her the peace, and control her emotions. God sent the holy spirit to calm both of us.
