Oct 02 2009
Playing God
The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’ ”
“You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
All my life, I want to be in control. I want to control what can happen to me. I want to control what people say about me. I want to control what people can do to me. I want everyone and everything to behave the way I like. I want to be the god of my life.
Now that I’m married with a kid, it’s them that I’m in control now. Not 100%, mind you, but I definitely want all control.
At work, I want to make sure my projects gets down the way I want it: less unknowns, on-schedule, and keeping it simple.
If there’s something that I do every day, like driving, riding a bike, etc., I want to be very good at it so I’m in full control.
When people see me as a weak person (because of my boyish look and figure), I tend to lash out, quick to judge, give the stink-eye, and in some cases, I would curse under my breath. My face scowls to give an impression I’m tough. I walk upright and shoulder scrunched up to show strength. I walk with loud thumps using a pair of heavy soled shoes/boots, to tell others that I’m coming.
I’ve denied having problems with anger, being wrong more than usual, looking at dirty pictures, give up too easily, and having a short attention span. I don’t admit to be the poster child of what’s wrong with being a man – or a human being, for that matter.
I have my fair share of fear, frustration, fatigue, and failures.
However, I am glad that God cares for me. He takes away my bad habits, painful hurts, and bothersome hang ups. Not just one time, but all the time! I just tell Him, “I’m sorry.” and He will give me another chance in life.
I have to admit I’m powerless to change myself. I’m powerless to take control, when it’s not mine in the first place.
Jesus, you’re full of grace. I sin and constantly sin. But every time, you always forgive me. You always let me live everything as if they’re a fresh start. I love you for it. You’re the God of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and all of the chances! Thank you, Lord, for saving me. I give you control of my life. Amen.
