Oct 20 2009
Why Am I Prolonging the Pain?
I don’t want to live with the pain that I’ve experienced in my life. So why is it that I always dwell in them? It’s in my mind. It’s in my dreams. It’s in my decisions for the future. It’s not healthy.
I’ve had the pains for so long, I’m comfortable with them. Bad relationships? Been there. Bad decisions about my career? Done that. Do I learn from them? Absolutely. Do I remember them? Sure.
The pain became my identity. “I am what I am.” What an excuse. But it’s an easy excuse for any character defect that I have. It’s an easy way out of doing something to correct it. I want my identity to be good and constant.
My defect has a payoff. If I get mad and starts yelling at my daughter, I will get her attention. If I get angry and shunned my wife, she’ll (hopefully) try not to tick me off again. I do the bad and awful things because it has short term benefits. SHORT TERM. Instant benefit is temporary. I want a lasting change.
Satan is sneaky – he wants me to stay in my pain and discourages me. The scene is like a movie or comic books, when there’s a decision to be made, like returning a dropped wallet with money in it, both the demon and angel will speak to me on each shoulder. Most likely I’ll listen to the demon because his suggestion will make me feel good – albeit temporary. I will need to listen to the angel more.
I need to know God’s truths and abide by them. Only then I’ll no longer prolong the pain. God will set me free.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
