Devotional Time with God

I’ve made progress before in getting my spiritual life fixed up (with God’s help), and resisted temptations to revert back to my old selfish and angry self.  But sometimes, the devil got a hold of me.  Sometimes I’m vulnerable.  Sometimes I relapse.

The reasons I relapse are due to the following:

I revert back to my own willpower.  God is in control of my life, but sometimes I want to take the wheel back and steer my life in the direction I want.  Bad Idea.  If it’s not His will, I won’t.  I can’t be so foolish to go at it with my own power. (Galatians 3:3)

I ignore the need the exercises for recovery.  That includes:

1. Admitting I need Good
2. Acknowledging God has the power to change me
3. Making commitment to let Christ control and care for me
4. Examining myself openly and honestly and then confessing my faults,
5. Submitting to the changes God wants to make in me.
6. Repairing relationships.

I don’t use my support.  The bible says, in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, I need others to help me.  I need that special someone to help me go through my issues.  I need him (or them) there to listen and counsel me.

I became prideful.  For me, this is a difficult urge to fight.  After years of bad habit, I couldn’t just throw it out overnight.  It’ll take a lot of effort on my part to get over this weakness.  Being prideful will prevent me from seeking help. As the song said,

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will life you up.

James 4:10

I’ve stumbled many times.  I’ve relapsed.  I have went back to my old selfish, undisciplined, unaccountable self, many times before.  It’s not easy to do the right thing.  It’s not easy to keep up the high standards that God wants me to have.  It’s not easy being a Christian.  Temptations are many, and my strength is weak.

There are several reasons why I relapse:

1. Complacency
2. Confusion
3. Compromise
4. Catastrophe

Just when I think I’ve understand how my mind and body works, I tell myself I’m strong enough to handle things on my own.  Just when I think I have my bad habits beaten, I tell myself it’s not so bad after all.  Just when I think I can resist all temptation, I tell myself trying out a few old habits won’t hurt me anymore.   Just when I think it’s all good, bad things will tell me all hope is lost!

I need to grow!

I need to keep up with my devotional with God.  I need to continually turn myself over to God’s sovereign power.  I need to share my hurts and feelings to an accountability partner (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).  I need to stay humble (James 4:10).

We are all selfish, by nature. It takes a lot discipline, love, and God’s grace to be kind, sharing, and helpful person.  I thank God every day I’m able to teach my daughter how to listen and share with her friends.  I try to teach her to have awareness of others around her, including towards the adults.  She needs to be aware of other people’s troubles and problems.

She’s a very strong willed child and have short attention span, so I struggle with teaching her to listen attentively.  I say my breath prayers all the time to keep me calm and patient.  Sometimes, I lose my temper, and it’s important I show her that I’m humble to ask for forgiveness.

But all in all, it’s worth the trouble.  I love my daughter so much that I’ll sacrifice my time and effort to teach her this virtue.  God wants to help me to build her up, just as He does to me.

Lord, it’s not easy, going against my nature, to think about other people.  We are all selfish, and always think about ourselves.  Help me deal with this daily struggle.  Help me to help others, especially my daughter, to become a builder of relationships, an instrument of kindness, and a foundation based on Jesus’ teachings and laws.  Thank you for the life you’ve given us.  Amen.

Also known as self-discipline, it’s an aspect of life that I’ve always struggled with.  By nature, I’m selfish, emotional, and reckless.  Those bad traits have driven me to look for things that offered instant gratification, such as buy useless gadgets, watch pornography, eat junk food, etc.  I used to think it was a struggle that no one could understand.  The bible proves that it’s a very common problem:

But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions).

James 1:14

This world is inherently evil.  Sin lurks in every corner.  Satan has dominion over this earth and it shows by the kinds of temptations available everywhere.

But God is good.  He gives me the strength to bear these temptations.  He gives me the wisdom to know when to say NO to evil.  He gives me grace to forgive me when I fall flat on my face after tripping from sin.  God knows how weak I am.  I’m holding on to His promise of hope that I can handle this:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

If I had to look back in my teenage and college years, I could use a lot of self-control and discipline.  I wouldn’t have wasted a lot of my life on stupid decisions.  However, God calls me and constant me reminds me to keep my eye on Jesus.  He is my prize, my end-game, my eternal salvation.

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14

This verse struck me as simple, yet a powerful reminder on how to tell if wisdom is from God:

… the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

James 3:13-17

Good and worthy qualities.  One thing that scares me is being “submissive”.  My first impression it’s out of place in the verse.  But thinking about it, being submissive is to serve someone.  It’s an action to help others.

I can only imagine submissive court judges with heavenly wisdom rule on a side of the people, not the politics of the government, nor the agenda of partisan group.

I can only imagine submissive teachers who guides children with humility, without resorting to pride, nor being politically correct all the time.

I can only imagine submissive politicians and world leaders, who has the people’s well-being in mind.  Not wanting to fill up their own pockets, nor making policies that are convenient for their own purpose.

I can only imagine a submissive me… listen and follow God’s command, where He will lead me to work it out with others, share the gospel, and save lives.

One of my worse personality flaw is my quickness to anger.  I was brought up in a realtively dysfunctional family, and my parents are not readily there to guide me in the ways of patience and humility.  They were not Christians back when I was growing up.   We are Christians now and we’ve been taught many times to keep our angry words and thoughts at bay.  The bible says:

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

James 1:19-20

God certainly doesn’t want me to be angry at another, let alone antagonize others.  I must first listen to God, listen to others, and listen to my own heart.  I need to let the spirit of God guide me.  The fruits of the spirit is love, gentleness, patience, and self-control.  It’s what I have to attain to deal with my anger issues.

Thank you, Lord, for filling my heart and mind with your holy spirit.  You know how many times I had burst in anger, being disrepectful, and hurtful to others.  Please forgive me, Lord.  Your kindness and patience towards me exemplifies what I have to do to others.  Guide me, as always.  Fill my heart with gentleness.  Give me the strength to gain self-control.  Provide me the gift of discernment and quick thinking to know the difference between right and wrong.  Let your words flow in me, and in all of us.  Amen.

My small group bible study just started the series on “Dangerous Surrender” based on Kay Warren’s new book. The sunday services for the past 3 weeks were done by Kay herself and she delivered the message in a very emotional way. The topics she covered are hard hitting, gut wrenching, and provocative.

For me, to surrender is like in a battle or war, stop fighting, raise my hands to give up, and submit to whom I’m fighting with. Surrendering to God is exactly that. He wants me to give up my sinful life. He wants me to stop fighting Him for control, and submit my life to His will. It’s the time to say “Yes!” to God for what He wants me to do and be.

1. My days become an adventure.
   When God calls me to go and do something, it’s going to be a spiritual adventure, not knowing where God will take me. It will not be easy. It will not be comfortable. But it will surely be rewarding, for God’s purpose for me is always good.
2. My life becomes a miracle.
   God will show, through me, His miracles. By faith, He will also show me His miracles.
3. My heart becomes more peaceful.
   Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Fighting God’s will had always been in my heart since I was born. I was afraid on what God would make me do, or who I’d become. My ignorance will lead me to worry about my life. All I have to do is strive to have God’s character, for the Lord is good and compassionate. I must not let my sinful nature to get in the way. I must not let my insecurities and life pursuits to take control of me. I must set aside everything for Jesus and follow Him.

In this world, evil does exists and it’s very real. I see it every day in the news: people killing each other; people use each other for their own good; slavery is still rampant; sex trade is still happening, even to kids as young as 8 years old! It’s very sickening and despicable! I must face this reality and I must face evil!

If you don’t do what you know is right, you have sinned.

James 4:17

It’s not only in everyone else that I have to watch out for evil, but I have to keep myself in check. I was born a sinner, I will always have sin. But because Jesus also lives in me, I am saved and I don’t have to accept evil. In fact I have to hate evil!

Let those who love the LORD hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

Psalm 97:10

Here’s some of the ways how I should hate evil:

1. Don’t accept it.
   Don’t laugh with it. The world is trying to make me accept evil by making it a comedy or entertaining. They try to make the wrong words means good. Or evil things being good. It’s not right and I must not accept it.
2. Don’t compromise with it.
   I must not brush it off as something insignificant, or pretend it won’t hurt me. I must not be numbed of evil in this world. I must not want it! I must get rid of it!
3. Don’t participate in it.
   The world will try to make me accept evil by making it convenient and alluring to me. I don’t have to be involved in it. I don’t have to be a part of it. I must get out of it!

Also, I must not fear evil. I must resist it! I must guard my words, raise my voice, and cast my vote when faced with evil.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

Psalm 23:4

I must overcome evil. We, as a church, will wipe out evil! It’s the way God intends to use me and the church to attack evil.

This world is waiting for people who:

1. Live Authentically.
   I must not pretend to live “religiously”. I must not pretend to be high almighty. It is so rare to find someone who authentically live for Jesus, who genuinely understand His teachings and applies it to his/her life. It’s something I have to strive for, constantly.
2. Fight Courageously.
   I’m afraid to fight. I admit it. I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a God’s warrior. I tend to be a worry-ier. I know God is with me, I must not be afraid.
3. Love Sacrificially.
   I must do whatever it takes to show the example of the love of God. He loves me for who I am and genuinely cares for me. I must do the same to others.

Surrendering to God is my first step. Then with His guidance, I must do good in this world.

Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time—pray that our God will make you fit for what he’s called you to be, pray that he’ll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with his own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the name of Jesus, he will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving himself freely.

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12

Last night, I got to put to the test what I had learned for the past week on how to reconcile. Out of all the people, it had to be Yantie.  She didn’t like my tone when I talked to her, and we got into a major argument over a minor misunderstanding.  The words that she used were painful and hurtful. She did it because she felt the same way about me yelling at her.  I felt like Job being put through the test.  It felt like the end.  I didn’t have any other choice but to plead for God’s help in keeping our marriage together.  I had to offer peace offering and begged to reconcile our differences.   I had to absorb my pain, as she did, when she gave me another chance.  I didn’t want to waste our relationship and I agreed on being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.  I also vowed not to raise my voice to her again.

I must remember this day.  It’s the day that reconciliation is the key to any resolution in conflict.

To summarize, to reconcile with others, I must first surrender to God and rely on Him for wisdom and patience. Now, it’s my turn to step out of my comfort zone and extend a peace offering. I must now invite the person I’m having a conflict with, to a meeting. A face to face meeting is preferable. I must not fear this. Fear gets me defensive and demanding. Better to humble myself and intentionally want to resolve the issue. My humility also starts by confessing my part of the conflict. I must know and admit that I’ve done something wrong (even if it’s a small one) before trying to resolve any conflict. I have to apologize for thinking only about myself.

Once I get over myself, I must then listen for other’s hurt. I have to treat people with respect and dignity. I must be able to look at him/her in the eyes. I must also be helpful and understanding.

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

James 1:19

Pastor Rick’s latest message is about reconciliation. This is not a new topic, but it is a very difficult topic for everyone (me included) because it’s hard for us to get along with each other. The roots of all conflicts are selfishness and sinfulness. I have needs. If my needs are not met, I will get cranky, jealous, and eventually angry. I get angry at the person I love. I get angry at God.

I must learn how to reconcile with others. But first, I must take 7 steps to get there:

1. Make peace with God.
2. Ask God for help.
3. Convene a peace conference.
4. Confess my part of the conflict.
5. Listen for others’ hurt.
6. Be willing to absorb the pain.
7. Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution.

First and foremost, I must surrender myself to God. God is the provider of all things. Going against the flesh, I need an extra strong influence that God can provide. He gives me guidelines to live by through His words. He wants me to live pure and faultless, which is what I have to strife for. To believe in God, I must change my lifestyle. I can’t be a person from this world, where selfish desires are considered acceptable and mostly encouraged! I have rules to live by. If I’ve been hurt by others, I know God will be able to heal me.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

Romans 5:1-2

I must always ask God for help. To get my thoughts going on reconciliation, I have to ask two things:

• How much of it is my fault?
• What does God want me to do about this?

During a conflict, it’s very difficult for me to self-examine myself. That is why I rely on God to give me the wisdom to know what I’ve done, and help me correct my faults.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

James 1:5

Thank you, Jesus, for surrendering on the cross for my sins. You have shown me how to love God and to love one another. You’ve shown me the wisdom to love by paying attention to other people’s needs, not my own. I thank you for being there for me when I need you. My needs are satisfied every time I ask you and for that I’m forever grateful! Amen.