Devotional Time with God

I’ve made progress before in getting my spiritual life fixed up (with God’s help), and resisted temptations to revert back to my old selfish and angry self.  But sometimes, the devil got a hold of me.  Sometimes I’m vulnerable.  Sometimes I relapse.

The reasons I relapse are due to the following:

I revert back to my own willpower.  God is in control of my life, but sometimes I want to take the wheel back and steer my life in the direction I want.  Bad Idea.  If it’s not His will, I won’t.  I can’t be so foolish to go at it with my own power. (Galatians 3:3)

I ignore the need the exercises for recovery.  That includes:

1. Admitting I need Good
2. Acknowledging God has the power to change me
3. Making commitment to let Christ control and care for me
4. Examining myself openly and honestly and then confessing my faults,
5. Submitting to the changes God wants to make in me.
6. Repairing relationships.

I don’t use my support.  The bible says, in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, I need others to help me.  I need that special someone to help me go through my issues.  I need him (or them) there to listen and counsel me.

I became prideful.  For me, this is a difficult urge to fight.  After years of bad habit, I couldn’t just throw it out overnight.  It’ll take a lot of effort on my part to get over this weakness.  Being prideful will prevent me from seeking help. As the song said,

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will life you up.

James 4:10

I’ve stumbled many times.  I’ve relapsed.  I have went back to my old selfish, undisciplined, unaccountable self, many times before.  It’s not easy to do the right thing.  It’s not easy to keep up the high standards that God wants me to have.  It’s not easy being a Christian.  Temptations are many, and my strength is weak.

There are several reasons why I relapse:

1. Complacency
2. Confusion
3. Compromise
4. Catastrophe

Just when I think I’ve understand how my mind and body works, I tell myself I’m strong enough to handle things on my own.  Just when I think I have my bad habits beaten, I tell myself it’s not so bad after all.  Just when I think I can resist all temptation, I tell myself trying out a few old habits won’t hurt me anymore.   Just when I think it’s all good, bad things will tell me all hope is lost!

I need to grow!

I need to keep up with my devotional with God.  I need to continually turn myself over to God’s sovereign power.  I need to share my hurts and feelings to an accountability partner (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).  I need to stay humble (James 4:10).

Do to others as you wold have them do to you.

Luke 6:31

Jesus said it abundantly clear and simple here.  I need to treat others the same way as I want them to treat me.  It can sometimes be a one-way street, but it is the right way to do it.  It’s the Christian way.

1. Choose the right timing.  Make time to sit down and discuss it.  Avoid all distractions.
2. Have the right attitude.  Apologize privately, with humility, and expect nothing in return.  It’s up to God to change a person’s heart, not me.
3. Be appropriate.  I must consider the situation and person, try to make amends in the way that’s best for him/her.
4. Make restitution whenever possible.  Pay back what I owe.  Return what I borrowed.

Most of all, I must reach out to God.  I need to ask Him to give me the strength to make amends.  If I’m doing my part doing what’s right, He’ll be right there for me.

Dear God, you have shown me that holding on to resentment for the wrongs done to me and refusing to make them right has hurt me emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  I ask you today to help me to be honest about my hurts.  I’ve been ignoring others and keeping all of the negatives in me.  But now I’m ready to come clean. I’m ready to tell the truth about my pain.  I ask you to give me the strength and courage so I can release those who have hurt me.  I want to let go of my resentment towards them.  Only by your power I can do this!  I also pray that you give me the wisdom to know how to make amends.  Please guide me as I find ways to correct and make restitution.  Thank you for giving the chance to being a new life as I refocus my life.  I know I have a long way to go, but I’m holding on to your promises that all my troubles will fade from my memory.  Thank you, Jesus. Amen.

It’s essential for me to forgive others, just as God has forgiven me. It’s not an easy task, but it can be done, with God’s help.  Here are some of the steps I can take:

1. Reveal my hurt.
2. Release the offender.
3. Replace my hurt with God’s peace.

A hurt is no good if I keep it buried in my mind.  I must speak it out to the offender – if not possible, to someone I trust, or write it on a piece of paper.  Bring it out in the open.

Then just simply release the persons who offended me.  I need to tell them I’m hurting because of them, and that I’ve forgiven them.  One suggested way:

You hurt me this way, this way, and this way.  But I want you to know I forgive you because God has forgiven me, because resentment doesn’t work.  I will need forgiveness in the future.  I am releasing you.

And I need to forgive all the time! (Matthew 18:21-22)  When I think about them and they don’t hurt, that’s when I know I’ve released them.

Finally, God’s power is more abundance and effective than mine.  I need to tap into it.  My sheer willpower won’t do it.  Only God can change hearts.  I’ll do my part to forgive and release.  God will work on my heart and those who offended me.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.

Colossians 3:15

It’s a question that I’ve asked, and heard people asked about.  Being Christian, forgiveness is the hardest concept I have to wrestle with.

I grew up as a skinny nerd, not a strong kid.  I get bullied – a lot.  I grew up dealing with the put-downs, the snow-jobs, the resentment, etc.  One toxic byproduct of this was my propensity to hold a grudge and not being able to forgive.

Now that Jesus is in my life, this attitude is changing.

In Colossians 3:13, it says I have to forgive others just as as God has forgiven me.  It can’t be any simpler than that.

When I think about, having resentment doesn’t do me any good.  Why should I be the one in pain and suffering, sometimes in years, thinking about old wounds?  I have to go on.  Resentment is unreasonable (Job 5:2), unhelpful, and unhealthy (Job 21:23-25). I need to move on.

Furthermore, I need forgiveness for my future mistakes.  I’m not a perfect person. I will make mistakes.  I offer forgiveness because I need to be forgiven, for now and the future.  It’s in the Lord’s prayer (Matthew 6:12).

It is good to be forgiven.  It is better to forgive.

I’ve seen (and felt) what my bad habits can do to my spiritual, mental, and physical health.  I got too much stress, too much resentment, too much doubts that led me to be distant from family, friends, and God.  It doesn’t have to be this way.  There are better ways to get better.

Focus on changing my character defect, one at a time.

There are many areas I have to tackle, but I can’t change them all at the same time.  I have to pick one, perhaps the easiest one, like eating too much junk food.  Then I’ll get into the tougher ones, like looking at questionable material on the internet.  Eventually I’ll overcome the big one: my hot temper.

Focus on success, one day at a time.

I can’t forsee the future.  I don’t know what’s going to happen.  That’s up to God’s will.  But what I can control is my actions today.  The Lord’s prayer says, “Give us our daily bread.”  One day, today, I can make it happen for the better.

Focus on God’s power.

He’s the source of my strength.  God’s character is my goal and model.  My strength is insufficient.  I need God’s power to add to my willpower.  If I need change, I need God to steer me to the right direction.

Focus on the good things.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Phillipians 4:8

The good things are the only thing worthwhile doing.  I only have so much time and energy.  Staying positive will only bring joy and happiness.

Focus on doing good.

What good have I done for you lately?  That’s the question I should be asking everyone.  Today I have to continue to build relationships, continue to be a peace maker, and continue to be helpful.  My tendency is to make myself feel good.  I must stop being selfish.  I must continue to do the right thing.

Focus on people who help.

People can hinder my progress.  They can be critical, judgmental, and down right unhelpful.  These are the ones I want to be associated with.  They’ll just slow me down, and will one day take me down completely!  I have to surround myself with kind, compassionate, and Godly people, for they’ll help me change and grow for the better.

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

1 Corinthians 15:33

Focus on progress.

I’m not a perfectionist.  Sometimes I say “Good enough is good enough.”  I’m taking this step to keep myself sane and not stress over the little things.  I can imagine the amounts of energy and time required to be “perfect” in everything.  I know God loves me for who I am.  I don’t have to be perfect in His eyes.  I just have to be believe and be willing to change.  When God is shaping me, that’s progress for me.

I don’t want to live with the pain that I’ve experienced in my life.  So why is it that I always dwell in them?  It’s in my mind.  It’s in my dreams.  It’s in my decisions for the future.  It’s not healthy.

I’ve had the pains for so long, I’m comfortable with them.  Bad relationships?  Been there.  Bad decisions about my career?  Done that.  Do I learn from them? Absolutely.  Do I remember them?  Sure.

The pain became my identity.  “I am what I am.”  What an excuse.  But it’s an easy excuse for any character defect that I have.  It’s an easy way out of doing something to correct it.  I want my identity to be good and constant.

My defect has a payoff.  If I get mad and starts yelling at my daughter, I will get her attention.  If I get angry and shunned my wife, she’ll (hopefully) try not to tick me off again.  I do the bad and awful things because it has short term benefits.  SHORT TERM. Instant benefit is temporary.  I want a lasting change.

Satan is sneaky – he wants me to stay in my pain and discourages me.  The scene is like a movie or comic books, when there’s a decision to be made, like returning a dropped wallet with money in it, both the demon and angel will speak to me on each shoulder.  Most likely I’ll listen to the demon because his suggestion will make me feel good – albeit temporary.  I will need to listen to the angel more.

I need to know God’s truths and abide by them.  Only then I’ll no longer prolong the pain.  God will set me free.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

John 8:32

My parents are hot tempered.  I could recall they yelled at each other a lot when I was just a kid.  Now I have my own family, I felt ashamed that I’m also doing it to my wife, in front of my own daughter.  My parents gave me the “DNA” of bad temper and stubbornness.

Then, there are circumstances that drive me to do the things I do.  For a long time, my parents are “hands off” parents, and trusted me at the very young age to grow up by myself.  It was a teenager’s dream!  I learned from my friends, my sisters, and my uncles/aunts.  The influence from my uncle led me to a bad relationship.  The influences from my friends were into procrastination and sometimes college drinking binges.  With my sisters, I just did all I could to be not like them!

I chose to follow my friends more  because they were more fun.  Peer pressure was a big influence in my life.  I chose to accept that my temper was hereditary and there was nothing I could do about it.  I chose to go with the moment, and followed fads or whatever was “cool” at the time.

The choices that I made had painful consequences.  I became distant from my parents.  I viewed relationships as something I must control myself.  I often refused to know other people’s feelings.  I was selfish.  I paid for it in spades: lost relationships, lost time, and lost opportunities.

But I now know it doesn’t have to be this way.  For God’s promises:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:1-2

The key is Jesus!  Put my faith in Him, I will be transformed.  I don’t have to be of this world.  I need to be part of God’s plan in heaven.  I don’t have to be stuck with my bad choices.  Jesus paid for my sins.  With His grace and mercy, I’m forgiven.  Now I have to let His will be done.  God’s perfect character must shine in me, so I don’t have to show my defects.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

I have a past.  I have a past that haunts me sometimes.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  I can let go of my past.  I don’t need my past to remind me how useless, embarrassing, and insecure I was.  I need to move on past my guilt.

First, I can take a personal moral inventory.  I have to write down my good and bad choices and events in my life (in confidence).

Second, I’ll need to take responsibility of my faults.  By being honest, not rationalizing, not blaming others, and not fooling myself.

Third, I have to ask God for forgiveness.  My God is a forgiving God.  He wants to forgive me more than I want to be forgiven.  I won’t bargain.  I won’t bribe.  I do believe that He wants to forgive me of my sins.

Fourth, I need to admit my faults to another person.  This is a tough one for me, for I still have trust issues.  For those I trust, they’re not here to hear me.  I made new friends, but not best friend(s).  This is an area I need God to reveal to me.  I need someone I can trust, understand what I’m going through, and mature enough not to be shocked.

O Lord, thank you for forgiving me.  I’m ready to move on.  Please open the opportunity to share my faults to another person who understands.  I need a person who has your personality, God.  Someone who can help me move on past my guilt.  Thank you, Jesus.  Amen.

Finally, I’ll accept God’s forgiveness.  His forgiveness is free and instant.  His forgiveness is paramount to my salvation.  It’ll be foolish if I don’t accept.

I am moving on!

I hate some aspects of my past.  It was full of hurt and guilt.  I wish I can just forget them, but they surface once in a while to bug me.  I would wake up from a nightmare of failing my college exams.  I would end up thinking my life went nowhere because of previous failed relationships.  My past can sometimes slow me down.

I must not let guilt from the past destroy my confidence.  I need to look in the future with the confidence that I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes.  The lessons learned is a building block for better knowledge.

I must not let guilt ruin my relationships.  I have to know that my past is forgiven, thanks to God’s grace and mercy.

Our God, you bless everyone whose sins you forgive and wipe away.

Psalm 32:1

I must not be stuck in the past.  My past is just that… the past.  The Navy Seal has this saying, “The only easy day was yesterday”.   I must keep saying that.  My past gives me perspective, and it must not dictate my future.  I have to move on.