Devotional Time with God

Being a parent is full of life’s trials.  I just don’t know what to expect from my child. As a toddler, she’s adventurous, curious, and brave.  She’ll try to explore everything and do anything, on her own!  When she discovered she could run, she ran – a lot!  As a 40-year old, it’s tough for me to keep up!  One thing I observed she likes to do is to let go of my hand when crossing the street, or walking on the parking lot.  Both my wife and I have this huge fear of her being struck by a car.  It was a common occurrence, we heard so many stories about accidents with children and cars.  I’m so worried, I’ll raise my voice, and sometimes spank my child, so that she’ll listen and hold on to my hand while crossing the street.

Then I realized, God is doing the same to me!  He would tell me with a “loud voice” and “spanking” to get my attention that danger is ahead.  He’ll tell me through grief and pain.  They’re the loudest signal God can ever send to me.  He wants to hold on to my hands while I cross that busy street, or unpredictable parking lot.  He knows what’s ahead because He’s bigger, and I’m not.

Once He gets a hold of me, I don’t have to worry any more!  I have to let God hold me.

He’s in control.  Always will be!

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Phillipians 1:4-6

It’s difficult to go through life without being “in control”.  When I have to depend on other people to help me through mundane stuff, it becomes totally unbearable.  My personality is a somewhat of a go-getter.  As much as I can, I create my own opportunities.  If there’s something that I believe I can’t control, I’ll just dismiss it and move on.  So naturally, I bounce through a lot of interests, hobbies, and relationships.  I’m never satisfied.  I’m never content.

I’ve always felt I had never accomplished anything good in my life.  I beat myself up with this feeling.  I felt guilty to having a very short attention span.  I felt lonely.  I felt sorry for myself.

I knew in my heart, this was not a good feeling.  I knew I had to do something, but didn’t know what.  Now that I found Jesus, it became abundantly clear that I wasn’t in control – never will!  He’s in control.  He’s the way, the truth, and the light.  If I just focus my eyes on Him, my purpose is clear.  My life becomes more fulfilling.

There were times that I held back giving up control and it was due to any of these combination:

1. Pride
2. Guilt
3. Fear
4. Worry
5. Doubt

My #1 is pride.  Raised in a rich family, my parents are the boss.  I’m raised to think like them.  It seems like an inherited trait.  I try my best to be the boss of everyone.  Then when I’m not, the other problem occurs:  doubt and guilt.  I would start questioning myself.  I would feel guilty of doing the wrong thing (or doing nothing).  Those feelings confused my life.  I wondered if I’d ever accomplish anything. I lost control.

Thank God for Jesus!  I can give my burdens to Him.  He helps me overcome all pride, guilt, fear, worry, and doubt!

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

I know it takes faith to believe in God.  However, it takes more faith not to believe because what if I’m wrong?  I’m not perfect.  I’m not always right.  If there’s a higher power, wouldn’t I want to be on His side?

As a child, I was jaded.  I was invincible.  I felt I could do it all, in good health (even though not in perfect shape), and had a lot of years ahead of me.

Upon reflection, I was relying too much on myself.  I know now that God was looking after me.

I know God:

1. Exists
2. Cares about me.
3. Has the power to help me.

God has answered my prayers multiple times.  He knows my needs and have provided.  He will always provide because He has an infinite power.

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.”

Luke 18:27

When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.

Isaiah 43:2

I’ve asked the question before, “What kind of God do I serve?”  Some folks would paint Him as a mean God, full of fire and brimstone.  Another folks would consider Him as a aloof God, so distant and hard of hearing.

The truth is, I used to compare God with my own parents.  My parents are generous, so naturally I considered God is a generous one.  My Dad is also hot tempered, so I thought God got angry a lot, too.

The real truth of God’s character is in the Bible.

God knows my situation.  He knows about my pain, grief, hurts, and struggles.  He knows what I need before I ask him.

God cares about my situation.  He knows that I’m weak and constantly needs help.  God has compassion for me.  He wants the best to happen to me.  He wants to bless me.  I just have to let Him by surrendering my life, and accept Christ as my personal Lord and savior.

Until I understand God’s true character, I can’t completely trust Him.

I get a lot of grief and pain – all sorts of shapes and sizes.  My past relationships have given me grief, by thinking about what I coulda and shoulda done.  I get pain from dealing with my so-called friends and family, which I would harbor to distance myself from a lot of potentially good people in my life.

God works with grief and pain to send wake up calls to me.   I did and said a lot of stupid things.  The grief would surface to remind me that I didn’t have to think about the past.  I just need to learn from it, and not make the same mistake again.   God would let pain happen, but physically and emotionally, to help me understand consequences of my actions.

Inevitably, I’m not in control.  There were times when I took the wheel and be the driver of my life.  I crashed and burned!  Then I would blame God for letting it happen.  Then I realized, it was my fault in the first place.  I didn’t let God control me. Only bad things happen when it was just about me, myself, and I.

Only God has the power to help me change.

I must mourn for my loss of control.  I must mourn for my grief and pain – and let them go.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’ ”

“You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Genesis 3:2-5

All my life, I want to be in control.  I want to control what can happen to me.  I want to control what people say about me.  I want to control what people can do to me.  I want everyone and everything to behave the way I like.  I want to be the god of my life.

Now that I’m married with a kid, it’s them that I’m in control now.  Not 100%, mind you, but I definitely want all control.

At work, I want to make sure my projects gets down the way I want it: less unknowns, on-schedule, and keeping it simple.

If there’s something that I do every day, like driving, riding a bike, etc., I want to be very good at it so I’m in full control.

When people see me as a weak person (because of my boyish look and figure), I tend to lash out, quick to judge, give the stink-eye, and in some cases, I would curse under my breath.  My face scowls to give an impression I’m tough.  I walk upright and shoulder scrunched up to show strength. I walk with loud thumps using a pair of heavy soled shoes/boots, to tell others that I’m coming.

I’ve denied having problems with anger, being wrong more than usual, looking at dirty pictures, give up too easily, and having a short attention span.  I don’t admit to be the poster child of what’s wrong with being a man – or a human being, for that matter.

I have my fair share of fear, frustration, fatigue, and failures.

However, I am glad that God cares for me.  He takes away my bad habits, painful hurts, and bothersome hang ups.  Not just one time, but all the time!  I just tell Him, “I’m sorry.” and He will give me another chance in life.

I have to admit I’m powerless to change myself.  I’m powerless to take control, when it’s not mine in the first place.

Jesus, you’re full of grace. I sin and constantly sin.  But every time, you always forgive me.  You always let me live everything as if they’re a fresh start.  I love you for it.  You’re the God of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and all of the chances!  Thank you, Lord, for saving me.  I give you control of my life.  Amen.

As part of the 8-week study of the book Life’s Healing Choices by John Baker of Saddleback Church, I’m going to dig deeper into it and apply them to my life.

I sometimes wonder why I make bad choices.  I’ve always known I’m capable of making the wrong choice, but why do I keep making them?  The apostle Paul said it best here:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

Romans 7:15-17

It’s the sin living in me.  I’m sinful by nature.

I’ve always known that eating a lot of sweets and caffeine are bad for me.  I’ve always known pleasuring myself leads to all sorts of bad thoughts.  I’ve always known indulging myself with gadgets will lead to overspending.

I used to do all that when I was single all the way to my late 20’s.  I used to think it didn’t hurt anyone.  That was my addiction: over-indulgence.  I was a spoiled kid and I absolutely needed the stuff I want, right there and then.

But now I’m married with a daughter to support.  I can’t be reckless anymore.  I can’t abuse my body as I used to.  I have to set a good example, not only for myself, but to everyone around me.

I have to make the reality choice:  I’m not in control.  I must let God take over.  My sinful nature always get the better of me, and it’s time God has it.  Whenever the thoughts of over-indulging returns, I’ll always run to God and let Him give me the strength to overcome it.